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Self-enquiry

Intuition and trust.

It’s been a recurring theme in my life lately, more specifically I’ve been working on listening to my intuition and trying to trust my instincts.

It hasn’t been easy.

I constantly second guess myself and question my motives…

Thankfully I’ve had some help in the form of Samantha from Dakini Grace. I don’t think I can neatly put a label on what she provides, nor would I want to, but terms like mentor, life coach, guide and teacher all come to mind. Sam helped me to realise that when you trust your intuition the path will always be free and easy, when you go against your gut the road will be rocky and fraught with obstacles.

Image from here

In my last 1:1 with Sam she took me through a guided visualisation and asked me to have a conversation with my future self. This is what future Larah had to say to present-day Larah:

Don’t be afraid.

You already know the answer.

There are no mistakes or failures only lessons learned.

Trust yourself.

Those are some wise words from my future self, words I should listen to.

I’m afraid to fail, this fear is so firmly entrenched in my being that I stop myself from trying. My reasoning is that if I never try I can never fail… But I can also never succeed.

Recently I can feel something shifting, I’m starting to look forward to those failures, and more importantly, the lessons I will learn from them.

L xx

Bear with me for this post, it follows on from my last post on letting go of expectations and I’m hoping it proves cathartic for me. Recently I upset a friend, I told her the truth about a situation and her reaction was not what I expected, it didn’t fit my framework of how an adult and a friend should react in that particular instance. To be completely honest, her reaction really disappointed me. If you read my last post you’ll be seeing a recurring theme here… I had an expectation, the reality was different and I ended up disappointed.

To say that this interaction has been playing on my mind would be an understatement and it got me thinking what exactly was it about my friend’s reaction that upset me. It wasn’t necessarily the reaction itself, it was more my history with this friend.

Yoga constantly teaches us to be in the present, however in every interaction we have with friends, family and partners we build up an arsenal of past arguments and annoyances. This is something I struggle with quite a bit, I’m still not sure why I’m holding on to this arsenal but encounters like this are a perfect chance for self-enquiry. We are not our past, sure it got us to where we are but we live there. We are not our future, all we are is our present. I know I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, and I’m sure I will be a different person again in another 10 years but I can’t interact like the person I was then or the person I will be in the future, all I can do is be present-day Larah.

I'm definitely not the same person as baby Larah :)

I’m definitely not the same person as little Larah :)

The lesson for me from this encounter with my friend is to try and remain present, drop the baggage of past interactions and remember that her reaction is not personal and is likely formed from a whole gamut of things happening in her life.

L xx

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